Please may you paint an alien civilisation consisting of Nicolas Cage lookalikes bowed down praying to a statue of Adrian Chiles.
Please paint me Charlie Sheen winning.
Please paint me Robocop at the checkout in Tesco, trying to decide if its worth 10p for a bag for life. He has bought a shitload of Soreen so he’s going to need something sturdy.
That would be magic.
Nick Connors (age 36)
In my struggle to get through the daily episode of Postman Pat each morning I have resorted to imagining dark plots in which bad things happen to Pat.
1. Pat goes on an EDL march in Pencaster, drinks too much skol super and gets arrested for swearing at a police officer.
2. Pat unwittingly makes a delivery of a large amount of heroin for the local triad gang, fucks it up as usual, mixing the package up with one going to Mrs Goggins, who swiftly hands the drugs to the police. The triads punish Pat by cutting off his nose.
3. Pat is diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and decides to begin cooking up crystal meth in the back of his van (has that one been done already?)
I would be truly honoured if you would depict one of these scenes for me.
Please can you paint Frankie Boyle teaching children how to swear.
David ‘Magoo’ McGuire
Please could you paint me Susan Boyle dressed as Ripley from Aliens wearing the big yellow robotic machine desperately trying to open a packet of Hobnobs.